Animal shelter - Bucky & Reader
by Tshuuls
Summary: Bucky has already tried a lot of things to take control over his nightmares. After one really bad nightmare and a walk in the park he finds and old flyer from an animal shelter "pets for vets". Where anyone could come at any time to pet and talk to animals and since it is 3am in the morning he decides to give it a try. Takes place pre Civil War and non canon. The reader is the the
1. Should I stay or should I go

He walked down the park. It was a dark night, the moon was hidden behind clouds and the air smelled like rain. The smell and cold wind were the only things that kept him in reality. They made him feel alive, sort of. He had a nightmare. They were always about his time at Hydra. Either his fall from the train, the torture or experiments. The worst ones however were about his Winter Soldier Missions. Even though he knows that it was not him, he can't help but to feel guilty and blame himself. His nightmare this night was about a mission. He can't remember all the details only that he succeeded which meant that he had killed someone, again.

Bucky stuffed his hands in his hoodies pocket when he heard a paper crumbling. He took his hand out and held a crumbled flyer. It read "pets for vets". It must have been one of the flyers he picked up the last time he tried to attend a veteran meeting. As always he bailed before it even started just grabbing a few fliers before leaving. He usually throws away all the flyers, however, this one he kept. The flyer was about a project a local animal shelter had started a few years ago. Veterans, or in general, people in need of support and love could visit the shelter and cuddle and talk with cats and dogs. The special thing about the project the shelter was open 24/7. And right now it was 3am in the morning. He decided to take a look at the shelter since he was close by and had tried almost everything else to tackle his nightmares and nothing worked so far.

She sat behind the front desk. The only sounds where from her laptop speakers and an occasional bark or meow from the animals. (y/n) was already used to this. She was usually on nightshift. They were peaceful and relaxing. People only very rarely came in and the routine wasn't hard. It only consists of regularly feeding small puppies and kittens, which was the best part, and taking a stroll through the shelter every hour to check in the animals. It only got stressful when a new pet was brought in especially if they were injured. This night was just like most of the others. The majority of animals was asleep and those who weren't kept quiet.

(y/n) watched some youtube videos and roamed around on tumblr when the motion sensor from outside the shelter started to blink. She looked at the vide feed from the camera taping the entrance. It showed a tall bulky person with a hoodie pacing in front of the entrance. She had seen this far to often to be scared. A lot of people who wanted to take part in the "pets for vets" program were to scared to come in right away. For some it only took a few paces before entering, others needed a few nights of pacing. (y/n) could only imagine how hard it must be for these people to come here for the first time, mostly in the middle of the night.

The closer Bucky got to the shelter the more fears started to rise up inside. What if someone recognized him? What if other people where already there? What if the animals would attack him? What if he would hurt the small little creatures? What is? During all this thinking he didn't realise that he started pacing around in front of the shop. He debated with himself whether he should go inside, if this would actually help if he did. The thing that got him out of his thought was a bird singing. He looked up and saw that the sun was already rising. Only then he realised that he had stood and paced in front of the store for about 4 hours. He quickly looked around before hastily walking away back to his apartment, without another night of sleep, as always.

(y/n) continually checked the monitor to see whether the person was still pacing around. And the person was up until the first rays of sunshine came through the window. Having someone pace around for so long was not new, but also not common. She wondered if he would be back the next night or if the person needed a few more night before he or she came back. Shortly after him leaving (y/n)s replacement arrived and she walked home hoping and wishing that whoever was in front of the shelter that night would have a good day.

It took Bucky another three horrible nightmares before returning to the shelter. This time he stood across the street again debating whether to go in or not. He took another look at the crumbled flyer and read: "The only people who listen without judging are animal". He took one deep breath, stuffed the flyer back into his hoodie and walked towards the shelter.

Inside the motion sensor started to blink and before (y/n) could look at the monitor, the doors opened and the tall and bulky person stood in front of her.


	2. Ode to sleep

It took some time for Buckys eyes to adjust to the bright light inside the shelter. Once his full vision was back a looked around. He stood inside a small room with 7 chairs on one side with a small table with a few magazines on top. On the other side there was a reception table with a monitor, a young women behind it and a shelf at the wall filled with folders.

(y/n) smiled at him and waited for him to finish looking around, she didn't want to startle him. Bucky once more glanced around the room before focusing on her. She sat there with a kind and patient smile on her face.

"Hi how can I help you?" (y/n) asked trying to sound as soft as possible. Bucky fumbled around in his pocked and took out the crumbled flyer. After taking a few steps closer he carefully put it in front of her on the desk. Bucky quickly took a few steps back again. She looked at he folder and then back at him. "So you are here for the pets for vets program?" Bucky answered with a small nod. "Okay, then I only need your name." (y/n) said as she took out a small card and a pen. Bucky hesitated. Should he tell her his real name? Should he use James or Bucky? Or should he just use a made up name? "I can also draw a name for you" (y/n) interrupted. "If you don't want to tell me your name then you don't have to. We have a jar with a few names. I can just draw one and if you like it you can use that name." The woman said as she pulled a small jar filled with pieces of paper and put it on the table. "Do you want to pick one or should I?" She asked looking at the seemingly nervous man. "You" Bucky quietly said with a quickly added "please". (y/n) nodded and fished a paper out of the jar.

She opened the paper and read "Simon, is that name okay with you?" Again Bucky just nodded. "Good" she exclaimed and wrote Simon on the card "now I only need to know whether you are here for cats or dogs or both, cats and dogs." This question caught Bucky of guard. Cats or dogs? Small little balls of fur which purr and are far too fragile for him to handle, or only slightly bigger bundles of fur which are joyful and loyal.

No all of this was a bad idea. Bucky turned around and mumbled "Sorry, this was a mistake." He was on his way out when the women stood up. "Wait!" He stopped. "We also have big dogs. If…if you are afraid that you would hurt small animals." How did she know? Did she know who he was? Had she seen his arm? Is she a Shield agent? Or even worse is she from Hydra? Questions like this flooded Buckys mind. "A lot of strong and ex military people come here… And some of them preferred big dogs compared to small ones or cats. They were afraid that they would squish them." (y/n) continued. She added in a quieter voice "and I figured that you would have the same fear, since you too are tall, bulky and….strong." Bucky turned around eying the now standing women. (y/n) started to smile when he turned around "so a big dog then?" Bucky answered with a hesitant nod. "Good." She wrote dogs on the card and put it in a folder.

"Well then please follow me Simon." It took Bucky a few seconds to realise that she meant him with Simon. He had almost already forgotten that he had gotten a new name. A quick turn from (y/n) startled him. "Oh and my name is (y/n) nice to meet you" she said after turning to face him, before she spun back to walk towards the kennels.

They walked past several kennels with sleeping dogs. Small dogs, big dogs, dogs with long and dogs with short fur, dogs with scars, old dogs and young dogs. Most of them were sleeping on pillows or blankets. Bucky wondered when he himself had a peaceful night, with a lot of sleep and no nightmares. He couldn't remember any. All nights after Hydras fall were full of nightmares and screams, sometimes his own screams other times screams of his targets. He envied those dogs even though they were caged they seemed to be at peace, calm, happy.

Bucky still drowning in his own thoughts almost didn't notice that (y/n) had stopped in front of a door. He almost ran into her, almost. After shaking his head in an attempt to get rid of those thoughts he looked at (y/n) who clicked around on a terminal next to the door. The door opened with a click. Behind it was a room, which was slightly bigger than the entrance. Three walls were plastered with gates, which led to different kennels. The fourth wall, the wall with the door, had a pile of blankets and pillows and a few boxes full of toys. (y/n) gestured for Bucky to walk in first. After he had walked inside she followed and closed the door behind them. Bucky noticed that one of the gates was open, whereas the others were all closed. "Looks like Roy isn't up jet." Her voice interrupted the silence. Bucky looked confused. "Roy is the dogs name," she added. "But the opening of the gate will have woken him up. He will be here in a few minutes." (y/n) walked over to the pile of pillows, picked one up and threw it at Bucky. "Simon, catch." Bucky, being who he is, had no problem catching the pillow. (y/n) threw another one close to the wall before sitting on it. "Sit," she said to Bucky, who did as he was told.

They sat next to each other in silence for a few minutes before they heard shuffling from the opened gate. With each noise coming from it Bucky got more nervous. Both looked at the gate when a small black cat emerged from it and Bucky mumbled "That's no dog…"


	3. Make new friends

Both Bucky and (y/n) looked at the opened gate. However, instead of a big muscular dog, a small frail cat emerged. (y/n) smiled and said :"It's rare for Charlie to be the first one out." Bucky looked at the cat then back at (y/n) and back at the cat. "Roy took Charlie in after she snuck into the dog section. We couldn't separate them after that so they live together now." She quickly added "Oh I hope you don't mind if Roy has a few scars." Bucky shook his head. "Good" (y/n) said with a smile. Charlie walked straight to the big fluffy pile of pillows and laid down on top of it. Finally a big dog comes through the door (link to a picture is in the notes bellow). When Roy came closer Bucky could see that the dog had a few small scars on his head and front legs and a bite mark on it's left shoulder. "He was used in dog fights. If you were wondering about his scars" (y/n) said as Roy walked towards her. He sat down in front of her and wiggled his tail as a sign for her to start patting his head, which she did happily. "But don't worry he's a very kind hearted dog and as long as you treat him with respect we will do the same with you." She gave Roy a quick kiss on the forehead. "Look Roy there is someone who would like to get to know you" (y/n) said as she pointed at Bucky. "His name is Simon" she continued talking to the dog, "He is a very nice man so be kind to him." Roy got up and slowly walked towards Bucky.

Bucky who silently watched Roy and (y/n) interact wondered how a dog, brought up and taught to fight, could be so gentle. Bucky didn't realise it yet but deep down he wanted to be like Roy. He wanted to be gentle and interact with others, however he feared himself too much to open up to people. Bucky instead concentrated on Roy, who was slowly walking towards him, with (y/n) following behind. Roy sat down in front of Bucky, he patiently waited for the man to make the first move. The dog had already met a lot of people and knew when to wait and when to just charge in. (y/n) kneeled down next to the dog. "You can pet him if you want, Simon" (y/n) said in a soft tone. "It's best to use slow movement. Hold your hand in front of him and let him smell you first." Bucky slowly reached out with his right hand. He could feel the dogs' breath on his skin, alongside the wet nose. Roy, after a few seconds of just smelling decided that Bucky was okay and started to lick his hand. Bucky, however, flinched back when Roy started to lick his hand. "It's fine. Licking is Roys way of saying that he likes you. Strange I know but that's him." (y/n) assured Bucky with a smile. Bucky slowly reached out again. He put his and on Roys head. Bucky could feel the warmth of the dog. He slowly started patting the dogs head. Roy immediately started to wiggle his tail as he felt Buckys touch. Roy even moved a bit closer and put his head in Buckys lap.

The two of them sat there in peace. Bucky petted Roy, feeling his warmth and weight on him. He could feel every little scar on the dogs body even the smaller ones which were covered up with fur. Roy didn't mind he just loved lying next and on Bucky. He had his head in his lap and his eyes closed, enjoying Buckys gentle touch. The only thing you could hear was Roys tail hitting the floor and Bucky running his fingers through Roys fur.

The peaceful scene was interrupted by a loud growl coming from Buckys stomach. Roy quickly lifted his head and locked around, and (y/n) let out a little laugh. "Roy everything is fine, his stomach won't attack you" She joked and the dog put his head back into Bucky lap. "Are you hungry Simon?" She asked. Bucky wanted to decline but his stomach growled again. "Yes, a little" He said. "That didn't sound like a little" (y/n) said as she stood up. "I have the leftovers from my dinner in the fridge I could warm you up." "Thank you but…" Bucky started to decline but (y/n) interrupted. "No buts, nobody in my shelter has to be hungry no animals and no humans. Can I leave you alone for a few minutes?" Bucky looked down at Roy, who hasn't moved a bit "I should be fine.". "Good," she said as she walked to the door " I'll leave the door open if you need anything give me a shout." Bucky nodded and (y/n) left walking towards the kitchen, leaving him with Roy laying next to him and Charlie still sleeping on the pile of pillows.


	4. Misguided Ghosts

(y/n) walked out of the room and left the door open. She walked down the hallway and into the kitchen. It was a rather big kitchen with an enormous table in the middle. This table was also for preparing all the food for the cats and dogs. (y/n) walked to the fridge and took out a plate with lasagne. She walked towards the microwave and on her way she turned on the radio. While listening to the music she completele forgot that she was not alone this night and started to sing along (Misguided Ghosts –Paramore; link in the notes at the end).

Bucky was still sitting on the floor with his back leaning against the wall. Roy was lying beside him with his head in Buckys lap and enjoying being petted. Charlie was sleeping on the pile of pillows. Bucky, after a quick look around decided that it was safe to put down his hood. He ran his left hand trough his hair sweeping it out of his face.

He let out a sight, dogs really are relaxing. He still only trusted himself to use his right, his human, hand to interact with Roy. But somehow the calm and collected nature of Roy seemed to transfer onto him. His body wasn't stiff from paranoia, his mind not racing imagining all the possibilities something could go wrong he didn't even think about his nightmares anymore. You could say that for this brief moment Bucky was at peace, happy, calm. He could let his mind wander, roaming around in his memory fragments. He could remember Steve, small fearless Steve. His best friend, his safe haven. He could remember checking every ally looking whether Steve would have picked a fight, again. A small smile formed on Buckys face. Memories and moments like this were what he needed, what he was looking for in the past months. Who would have thought that a dog would be the key.

Bucky leaned forward putting his head on Roys. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the silence. Bucky only opened his eyes when he heard little paws walking over the floor. When he opened his eyes he could see Charlie walking towards him. She walked with confidence and only one thought in her mind, His hood. Charlie had a thing for sleeping in hoods or the big front pocked of hoodies. It took every inch of Buckys will to stop his instinct to block Charlie when she jumped onto his back. And in one swift motion Charlie had curled up in his hood and started to purr. Bucky now was in a very inconvenient position. He had Roys head on his lap, he was leaning forward with his head on Roys and on his back, inside his hood, Charlie had snuggled up like she was already lying there for ages.

Buckys mind was racing calculating different strategies to get out of this situation. When suddenly he heard a voice. He had totally forgotten about (y/n). However, now that she had started to sing he could hear her. It calmed him down. He started to breath steadily again and loosened his tensed muscles. Bucky accepted that right now it would be best to let Charlie have her way. The purring was nice after all. Now he even could make out the words (y/n) was singing.

She sang about running away from mistakes, about finding oneself, accepting pain, finding someone who understands and not being useless after all. (y/n) could not have sang a more fitting song for Buckys current situation. He too was running. Running from Hydra, from his past ghosts, from Steve, but mostly from himself. He feared himself, hated and blamed himself. Bucky couldn't remember who he was. He knew he was a ladies man but the war and Hydra took that away from him. He was passionate, full of life and love. And they took all of that. Bucky was full of pain. Physical pain from his metal arm and various injuries, but this pain was nothing compared to his psychological pain. He had constant nightmares, paranoia and depression. He only survived because that was still hardwired from Hydra. He had no real desire to life, to have fun. Bucky just existed. He just existed for these past months after the helicarrier incident. And now, with Roy, Charlie and (y/n), for the first time he wanted to enjoy something. He wanted to be here and not somewhere else. He wanted to be happy. And maybe just maybe this could be a place where he would feel safe.

(y/n) sang and danced around in the kitchen. She only stopped when the microwave finished with a small "Bing". She took out the plate, grabbed a knife, a fork and a water bottle. After turning of the radio she walked back the hallway and towards the room Bucky was in. When (y/n) walked in she first noticed that Bucky had taken of his hood. She could see his tangled and deranged hair, his dark circles under his eyes and his uncomfortable look. And that was when she saw Charlie sleeping in his hood. She let out a small laugh. "I am so sorry." She put down the food and picked up Charlie who gave a surprised small purr. " I totally forgot to tell you that she loves sleeping in hoods and front pockets." Bucky now finally could sit up straight. He stretched his back and said a quick: " It's fine."

(y/n) slid the plate over to Bucky and sat down next to him putting Charlie in her lap and patting her. "I hope you like lasagne." She asked. He nodded and took the plate in the left and the fork in his right hand. He didn't want to move Roy from his lap so he decided to hold the plate instead. "It tastes good" Bucky said after a few bites. (y/n) just smiled :"I'm glad you like it Simon."


End file.
